Husband's fantasy sex life hurts me

by Cathleen
(Clinton, IA)

My husband has a world of sexual partners in his head. He holds out on me. I suffer and he indulges in sexual fantasies when he's masturbating in the shower or in bed when I wake up and care for our child. I have felt a creepy feeling about him for a long time now. We have been together for 5 years. We have been married for over a year. I feel un-loved. I have told him that it hurts me when I find cum filled Kleenex, yet I know those times are way out numbered by his masturbating in the shower. I feel like I get a quarter of his love. He told me he wasn't a sexual person, but I know that he just doesn't want to deal with the actual sex act. He wants to fantasize. I know that many men deal with their sexuality in this way, however does it always happen at the expense of a woman's sexuality. I have shared with him that I want him to help me to orgasm. When we do have sex, once a month to every two weeks, it lasts 5 minutes and he's the only one who is orgasming. Why doesn't he use his emissions to help his sexual endurance in bed with me? He says he loves me. How could he indulge so freely knowing that it has been causing me so much pain? Why is his fantasy more important than me? Why doesn't he care for my sexual needs? I have spent my prime sexual years (22-26) being neglected to fantasy! How foolish am I to think that he was a non-sexual person. I feel queasy. I cannot look at him the same. I hate the shower and it has always been a refuge; I feel the water and I think, "I wonder who it was last time he stiffed me in here." How do I deal with these feelings without hurting his? I can't go on in a relationship with him when he's lying about his sexuality to me. It's so hard to discuss! I'm dying inside with every careless fantasy of his...