Who's Afraid of Intimacy?
By Vered Neta
There is a beautiful story about a giant that had terrorized a kingdom.
The king was concerned and bravely decided to confront the giant.
When he reached the northern border of his kingdom (which was the source of the rumors about the giant), he maintained a safe distance and stared at the giant.
After a lengthy time, he noticed that the more he stared at the giant, the smaller it became.
So he chose to come closer.
The closer he came, the giant shrank even further.
Finally, the giant became so small that the king took him in the palm of his hand, looked him in the eye and asked him, "Who are you?" and the now diminished giant answered, "I am fear".
Most of our fears shrink as we come close to the threatening object or situation.
One fear doesn't. This is our fear of intimacy.
The closer we get to our partner, the more intimidating it becomes. We tend to think that if someone becomes close enough, he or she might see through both our masks and defenses and as a result would not love us anymore.
The truth is that we are all lovable. It's our birthright.
Look at a baby - did you ever see a baby who is not lovable?
That's our origin: our natural state.
When you truly spend time with a person, notice how this person gradually becomes more beautiful and lovable.
Be aware of how it happens to you too.
That's the power of intimacy.
But we fear letting go of our defense mechanisms, which protect us and keep us safe from our old negative beliefs about ourselves - that we are unlovable.
We resist entering into a situation, which would allow us to experience who we are differently, i.e. - the recognition of both our beauty and power.
When we allow intimacy in our relationships we create an opening in the wall that surrounds us and we allow another person to enter into our world. We can slowly let go of the shield we created around us and become more soft, open and vulnerable.
At the beginning, we will experience fear as we lower our defenses, and we realize the very real potential to get hurt.
However, in time, as we allow ourselves to let go, something else happens.
Life becomes easier. What once was struggle surrenders to flowing. What once was resistance to change now becomes flowering and what was fear is now a dance. We become alive.
Intimacy is also a tool for growth.
The other person honestly, openly and from a basis of love, confronts us with our 'blind' spots in addition to pushing our buttons.
He or she challenges us to face our fears and avoidances.
When we become intimate we can share both our fears and needs, allowing our partner to support us.
Our journey is not lonely anymore; it is the path of couplehood.
The main tool for the creation of that desired intimacy is an honest and direct communication.
It is the communication that comes from an open heart and not from the mind.
You can create it either verbally or non verbally, simply by looking into your partner's eyes or touching him or her.
This week how about allowing more intimacy in your relationship?
How about facing that 'giant' called intimacy by opening your heart...
Article by Vered Neta
Her monthly newsletter "Love and Marriage" delivers immediately usable practices that create more love, happiness, intimacy, fulfillment, self-expression and personal-growth in your marriage.Subscribe today at: http://www.no-problem-marriage-counseling.com
Feel free to publish this article in e-zines, printed newsletters and websites.
However, this relationship article must carry the author's name and info lines.
Any substantial editorial change must be approved by us before publication.
Please send us a copy of the publication in which the article appears.
