Love And Marriage - part 1
by Cynthia Hammer, MSW, Director of ADD Resources
I have been reading on an ADHD bulletin board about the travails that many married people with ADHD have with their non-ADHD spouse--not believing in ADHD or not accepting their ADHD behaviors seem to be the major complaints. One person, who must have lived on a farm, compared marriage to a team of work horses. I hope he won't mind my sharing his words of wisdom with you.
"I don't know how many horses you've been around, but at one time, finding a matched set of horses was worth far more than anything else to pull a wagon. See, with a matched set of horses, the ride is smoother, and they can pull for longer and farther than if you have an unmatched set.
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The reason for that is because a matched set has a gait that is similar and one leads and the other follows. They aren't fighting each other, and pulling unequally, which leads to sore spots where the harness touches the horses flesh, which means that they need to rest more often and are normally grumpier, because they are sore. It's much the same with a man and wife. If you aren't pulling together, living hell is the result."
Somehow his words resonated with me as my husband and I move towards celebrating our 35th anniversary. Over the years we both had to learn, and learn again, that maintaining the relationship was more important than any annoyances that developed along the way.
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Love And Marriage
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