Marriage Advice: What is Romance?
Question
Here's my question: What is romance?
My wife is always saying I should be more romantic, and I finally said, "Tell me what kind of romantic things you like so I can do them."
And she said, "If I tell you that such and such is romantic, and then you do that, then it won't be romantic anymore."
Help! Please explain this romance thing to me.
Our Marriage Advice
Sometimes in workshops, I ask the men if they think of themselves as romantic. Most of them think I am asking if they're good in bed (Of course, they all said yes).
But when I ask the women what romance means, they talk about dancing close together, cuddling, holding hands while talking long walks, and talking over candlelight inners.
In other words, men are X-rated, and women are PG.
Men need sexual fulfillment to respond to a woman emotionally.
Women need emotional fulfillment to respond sexually to a man.
For a woman, romance is all about time.
Women find a man romantic if he spends time with her (What does not count: Watching TV while she is in the same room, mowing the yard while she's weeding, flossing your teeth while she takes a shower, etc.)
My advice is: Ask your wife for a date.
Take her out to dinner and a show. Come back home and put on some romantic music and ask her to dance (You might feel silly; she won't). Run a bubble bath for her and tell her to relax and take as much time as she needs, and when she's ready, you'll brush her hair and give her a massage from head to toe.
That's romance.
For more ideas check our list of romantic ideas...
An aside to women: Give up hoping that your partner will suddenly develop ESP and be able to read your mind.
You might be highly intuitive, but most men don't have a clue - you have to tell them what you want.
They really do appreciate knowing what turns you on.
If you are fortunate enough to have a man who asks you what romantic things he can do for you, make a list and tell him!