Marriage Advice: I Want Silence, She Wants to Talk
Question
Please help!
I'm a salesman, and every day at work I discuss, I evaluate, I critique, I talk. When I come home, I just want to relax, preferably in silence.
But my wife practically attacks me at the door and wants to TALK.
How can I make her understand that all I want is peace and quiet?
Don't I deserve that after working hard all day?!
Our Marriage Advice
I'll get to an answer eventually, but first I want to talk about what I think is a big difference between men and women.
Most women seem to enjoy conversation for its own sake. They have no ulterior motives. For them, talking is an end in itself.
Most men, on the other hand, seem to engage in conversation as a means to an end.
Remember when you were first dating your wife? You had no problem talking, because you had a goal in mind: You wanted her to find you desirable. So you turned on the charm and the wit and paid a lot of attention to her; you were interested in what she had to say.
Then, once you knew you had won her over, you'd met your goal - you didn't need to be that charming companion anymore.
Bad news: That's where you went wrong.
I understand that you want to relax when you come home, and you do deserve time alone.
But you ARE married. And you're married to someone who has needs and feelings too. One of those needs - who knows why? - is apparently wanting to talk with YOU.
It is not enough for her to have a man who says, "I'm home, aren't I? What more do you want?" Evidently this surprises you.
You may think your gift to your wife is working all day and then giving her the chance to watch you eat, sleep, and sit in front of the TV.
But she has every right to expect and want the man that she fell in love with to walk through that door every night.
Remember him? The one who took the time to let her know how special she was, how interesting she was to talk to?
You might try bringing him home one night, just to see what happens.