Marriage Advice: Sex is Rare and Boring
Question
I've heard that after a few years of marriage, sex often becomes rare and boring.
I don't want this to happen to us.
I still love my husband, but I feel us drifting apart.
How can we bring back the passion?
Our Marriage Advice
You're right on track. In every intimate relationship, the first thing to go is passion, usually for one of three reasons - withheld negative emotions, changed priorities, and routine.
Withheld emotions are feelings of anger, pain, hurt, and fear you've held inside until they congeal into resentment and hostility.
Who wants to have sex with someone they resent?
For one good solution, see how to deal with anger and resentment.
If you've put sex last on your priority list (after work, kids, household chores, friends, and TV), start dating your partner.
Put appointments for sex on your DayTimer or your Palm Pilot or your kitchen calendar - and keep them.
If sex has become as routine as meals - the same place, time, posture, performance - no wonder you're bored!
Hamburger again? Big deal.
The solution? You have two exciting options, Western and Eastern.
The Western approach suggests finding new settings, more outside stimulation. Book a hotel room for the night. Make love under the stars. Have sex in the morning instead of at night, or vice versa. Call your partner at work and get together for a "quickie" during lunch break.
And so on.
These can bring excitement and novelty - but it may be temporary.
In that case, you can try...
The Eastern approach assumes you don't need to change settings, you need to heighten your sensitivity.
On this site, we describe a millennium-old sensory-awakening ritual , part of the Tantric tradition.
You won't have to travel to India to learn how to change your sexual routine (although you could) - all you really need are creativity, a sense of humor, some patience - and the willingness to play.
Check out more ideas to relight your passion...
Whatever approach you take, know that the passion is still there - you only need to tap into it!
