Marriage Advice: She Doesn't Want My Advice
Question
Can you explain why my wife gets so mad at me when I try to give her advice?
She'll come home and tell me how annoyed she is about something at work, and when I come up with a solution, she yells at me.
It's so frustrating!
Why can't she understand that I'm just trying to help ?
Our Marriage Advice
All day long, most of us get paid to solve problems, come up with solutions, and in some situations give advice.
That's ok in your professional life.
And now for something completely different, as they say on Monty Python: your personal life.
When your wife comes to you with a worry, a hurt, a pain, a disappointment, an embarrassment, or a problem, she doesn't expect you to make it all well.
In fact, that's the last thing she's looking for.
She wants you to hear what she's saying and to understand and validate her feelings.
No matter what words she uses, what she really is saying is, "Please, just listen to me. I want to share what happened to me or what I'm worried about. I don't want any advice or solutions. I just want you to understand what I'm saying and care about how I'm feeling."
Try to remember this (even if you have trouble believing it): 95% of the time, your partner isn't looking for answers; she is looking for compassion and sympathy. She wants to lean on your shoulder, not be overwhelmed by the advice pouring out of your mouth.
There's a big upside for you here.
You don't have to be brilliant and come up with solutions (save that for your work).
I'm pretty sure God gave us two ears and only one mouth for a good reason.