Straight-Forward Advice On Marriage That Works! - part 1

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Complicated marriage situation. advice?
Long story short, my spouse cheated on me. We were in a rough place, an old fling popped up at just the right time, and she had a weak moment. After trying to hide it, she finally told me the truth without provocation. She came clean because she wanted to. I respect that. However, I can't really get over it. It isn't even so much the sex, it's the fact that she went down that road when trouble came up in the relationship. If that makes sense. This was a year ago. It has had and still has an impact on our relationship, but we want it to work. Counseling doesn't help, it only makes her feel more guilty, and makes me mad all over again. We both feel we won't make it unless things change. So she told me she wanted me to do the same. Her logic is if I cheat, she doesn't feel as bad, I "get even" for it, and if it ruins the relationship, well, we're headed that way anyway. I'm not sold on the idea. Even if I agreed I wouldn't have a clue how to go about it. Any advice?
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I need some serious advice on my marriage situation?
my husband is military - USAF - and he his term is up in dec. '07. he has recently put in to cross train and move us to a base closer to our families. We want this to have our future children raised near family and get a better home. I have told my husband, before we got married, that i would never move overseas. I have a lot of sick people in my family that i need to be here for and i cant be traveling half way around the world to live. Well, two days ago, he got the word that he is eligible for two jobs, one is in the states and the other is overseas for 4 years. He hasnt re-enlisted yet and has the option to get out in december rather than take this job if they give it to him. I hope he gets the job in the states, but i have told him that i refuse to go overseas and if he chooses to go against me and go anyway, then that would be him choosing his career over a family and me. What do you think about this situation??
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Is it wrong for me to be married but asking my ex for advice about my marriage situation?
My husband is only romantic when he feels like and it hurt because my ex knows how to be romantic towards me. I am use to being romanced by the person I am with but my husband a month after we got married. His job and fixing his car has more time than me. So, when I get lonely I got a talk to him get his advice on it.(NOTHING SEXUAL)(HELL NO). He gives great advice to a lot of people.
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