Marriage Advice: Seven Easy Ways To Improve Your Marriage - part 1
by Nancy Wasson
Improving your marriage doesn't necessarily have to involve huge changes on your part or your spouse's. Many times, the cumulative effect of small changes can make a significant difference in the quality of a relationship.
It can be discouraging to only focus on the big, sweeping long-range changes that you feel are needed, such as improved communication or increased intimacy. Instead, focus on making several small changes that can affect the quality of your relationship right away.
Once you generate some positive energy flow, it'll be easier to tackle the larger issues. Plus, you'll be more motivated to put forth the effort and to keep trying.
Here are seven easy ways you can improve your marriage:
1. Schedule date nights on a regular basis. Did you know research by Idaho State University shows that one of the secrets to a happy marriage is scheduling regular dates?
This study involving 132 couples found those who went on dates more often (the average was six dates a month) were more likely to be satisfied with their marriage than those who spent less time together.
So get out your calendar and schedule some times for you and your spouse to go out and spend time together doing something you both enjoy.
You might have dinner in a restaurant, go dancing, see a movie or play, or listen to live music. The important thing is you're spending time together and having fun.
If you have children and have been neglecting this part of your relationship for a long time because you don't want to leave the kids with a babysitter, there's probably something else going on underneath the convenient "reason."
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Doing everything with the children and not spending time alone with your spouse can be a way to try to avoid sex or to minimize romance. It's a mistake to think this won't hurt your marriage in the long run-because it will.
2. Show respect when you're talking to your spouse. You may not realize you're doing damage to your marriage when your spouse is talking to you and you sigh with exasperation and roll your eyes.
Psychologist John Gottman has conducted research on what attitudes increase the chances that a marriage will end unhappily. He has found contempt is the most damaging, and he says rolling your eyes when your spouse is talking to you is a classic sign that communicates contempt.
The actual words used in interactions between a couple are only part of what is being communicated. The non-verbal component is also communicating loudly. So you're giving your partner important information about how you really feel about him (or her) when you show disrespect.
Start becoming more aware of your behavior when your spouse is talking to you. You might ask your spouse if she (or he) feels disrespected during conversations and interactions with you. But don't ask for honest feedback unless you're prepared to receive it without getting defensive. The goal is to become more self-aware and improve your relationship with your partner.
3. Take the television out of the bedroom. You may be surprised at the research findings involving late-night TV.
A survey by Italian psychologist Serenella Salomoni found that among couples over the age of fifty, those who kept TV out of the bedroom had sex an average of seven times a month compared with 1.5 times a month for couples with TV's. The implication is that late-night TV can translate into a lot less sex for many couples.
It's easy to see how this could happen over time without a couple even stopping to think about the long-term effects on their sex life and intimacy. Watching television becomes a habit and the path of least resistance.
If removing the television from your bedroom sounds too drastic, at least consider initiating a conversation with your spouse about these findings and whether your marriage might benefit from less TV watching in the evenings.
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Marriage Advice: Seven Easy Ways To Improve Your Marriage
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