Marriage Advice: Ten Danger Signals To Watch For In Your Marriage - part 2
by Nancy Wasson
5. Your spouse has a significant change in moods, enjoyment of life, socialization patterns, or grooming/appearance. A spouse can become depressed and sometimes the partner doesn't put the clues together to realize what's happening. The spouse who is feeling depressed may experience changes in sleep patterns, eating, appearance, and hygiene. There may also be uncharacteristic isolation from friends and family, as well as crying spells or loss of interest in things that used to bring pleasure. If this happens, it's time to consult with your spouse's physician.
6. You realize that your spouse is developing a pattern of trying to avoid going to bed at the same time you do and sleeping in the same bed with you. Numerous wives have shared in counseling that they deliberately stay up later than their husbands to avoid sex. Or they say that a child won't go to sleep unless they lie down with them. Often, then, the parent ends up going to sleep in the child's room, giving the excuse that they didn't want to wake the partner or that they fell asleep without meaning to. The warning sign comes when this turns into a nightly pattern, not an occasional occurrence.
7. You realize that you don't know who your spouse really is any more. This is certainly a wake-up call that it's time to make your marriage a top priority. You'll want to spend extra time together talking and sharing from the heart. One common lament marriage counselors hear is, "He (or she) doesn't really know me. I'm just a paycheck to her (or just someone who keeps the house clean and takes care of the kids). Take the time to find out what your spouse is really thinking and feeling.
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8. Your relationship feels stale and dull. If this stage continues, both you and your spouse could be more susceptible to the lure of an affair. Deliberately schedule plans to do new things and go new places, and of course, look at how you could spice up your sex life with your partner. Do you need to trade off babysitting time with a friend so you can leave the kids and take a weekend trip with your spouse? Or let the friend keep the kids while you and your partner stay home alone?
9. You find yourself co-existing in the same house with your spouse but never really connecting. When this happens, it's time to schedule a time each day to sit, talk, share feelings, hold hands, hug, and reconnect. You can't afford to lose your feeling of closeness and bonding with your partner. Cut back on extra activities and immediately make your marriage your priority. Without emotional intimacy, your marriage will lose its momentum and passion.
10. You realize your sense of fun and joy has been replaced by resignation and complacency. It's time to shake things up. Have you gotten in a rut? Turn things upside down and put some variety in your marriage. Maybe it's time for those dance lessons your wife has been begging you to take with her. Or maybe it's time to go on that camping trip your husband has been talking about for months. Whatever you do, don't just sit there-plan something fun!
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