Marriage Counseling: How To Get The Most Value For Your Time And Money - part 2
by Nancy Wasson
After the first session or two, if you don't feel comfortable or on the same wave length with the therapist, don't get discouraged. You may need to consider trying another counselor who you feel more in sync with. It's better to go ahead and explore your options than to suffer in silence.
6. Be sure to ask any potential therapist the question, "Have you ever participated in extensive personal therapy yourself?" You would be shocked at how many therapists have never faced their own individual or relationship issues in counseling.
Just think about it-would you want to go to a counselor who recommends counseling to others but has never taken his or her own advice? I can unequivocally say that you should steer clear of counselors who haven't done their own personal work in counseling.
7. Schedule the first appointment at a time your spouse can go with you. If one spouse meets with the therapist before the other one, things don't seem to get off to an even start. The spouse who was not able to go to the first appointment often feels that the therapist is biased because the partner got to share his or her side of things first.
The therapist is then perceived as leaning toward the spouse who went first, and the other spouse may feel discouraged or left out from the very beginning. And that can affect that individual's morale, motivation, trust in the counselor, and willingness to continue in marriage counseling.
8. Keep the focus on learning as much as possible about yourself. Use this opportunity to grow in self-awareness and self-knowledge, to improve your relationship skills, and to work on personal issues.
This approach is less threatening to your spouse than pointing fingers, blaming her (or him), and trying to make your spouse the "bad guy." Plus, the only person you can ultimately change is yourself.
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You can't control whether or not your spouse uses the opportunities for self-awareness and self-growth offered by the counseling experience. But you can commit to taking maximum advantage of this opportunity to work on yourself.
9. Make the time and effort to do any homework exercises and to practice and reinforce any changes in behavior that you're working on in counseling. Change doesn't happen just by talking about it. Change requires taking action and doing things in a new and different way.
People learn by doing, making mistakes, correcting the errors, and then trying again. Practicing new behavior in your marriage could be compared to being in a relationship laboratory where you practice relationship skills. It takes time to unseat old habits and for the new behaviors to become established and second nature.
10. Make a list before each session of questions or issues that have come up for you since the last session.. It's a good idea to write down questions and thoughts in a notebook as they come to you between counseling sessions.
Then, before each appointment, you can review your notes and organize a list of questions or concerns to take with you and discuss with the counselor. This will help you to stay organized and not to overlook some issue that is important to you.
By following these tips, you'll be more likely to have a positive marriage counseling experience that can lead to increased personal growth and improved relationship skills. And that's a win-win situation for both you and your spouse.
Related Articles: Before You Begin Marriage Counseling, Ask This Question Online Marriage Counseling Marriage Counseling: How To Keep Jealousy From Destroying Your Marriage MARRIAGE COUNSELING--How Is the Health Of Your Relationship? Marriage Counseling: When To Save Your Relationship? |
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