Marriage Counseling Advice: Give Your Spouse Space To Breathe And Grow - part 2
by Nancy Wasson
Couples who do everything together miss putting important spaces in their togetherness so that new, separate growth can occur. Without new growth and fresh input from each person, a relationship can stagnate and lack vitality.
It's important for each spouse to have some time alone to pursue individual interests or enjoy being in solitude. Anne Morrow Lindberg, in her classic book, Gift from the Sea, states that "Only when one is connected to one's own core is one connected to others, I am beginning to discover. And, for me, the core, the inner spring, can best be refound through solitude." Solitude and time to "just be" can help each partner replenish energy and a sense of well-being.
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Kahlil Gibran's words about marriage in The Prophet have been quoted often through the years, but they keep their wisdom and meaning: "...let there be spaces in your togetherness. And let the winds of the heavens dance between you." He continues by saying, "...And stand together, yet not too near together, for the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow."
When you crowd your partner and don't give him or her breathing room, you run the risk of smothering the very relationship that is most important to you. Enjoy your togetherness, but also honor your individuality.
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