Marriage Counseling Tips: What To Do When Your Spouse Won't Talk - part 1

by Nancy Wasson

How to get a spouse's attention so that he or she will communicate with you is an issue that mystifies many couples. Spouses report trying many techniques, such as trying to talk rationally and logically, watching to see when a spouse is in a good mood, and waiting for a time when the television is off. They also share stories of begging, pleading, threatening, and finally, yelling and screaming.

If you are having problems getting your spouse to talk to you and to share feelings and opinions, here are some additional things you can do to facilitate communication. First, you have to grab your spouse's attention, which is what these tips are designed to do.

1.When you're talking to your spouse and start getting overly-emotional, lower your voice instead of raising it. This breaks the pattern of tempers escalating, followed by loud yelling. If your spouse asks what you're doing, just say that you read that lowering your voice was a way to defuse anger. Maybe your partner will decide to try it, too.

 

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2.Write your spouse a letter or e-mail stating your feelings, requests, or questions. Include how not talking about or resolving the issues is affecting you. For example, you might say, "When you call me horrible names, I feel like I've been betrayed. I don't want anything to lessen my love for you, but I know that if this continues, I won't feel the same way toward you. Can we please agree not to call each other names (or can we make an appointment with a marriage counselor, etc.)?"

3.Buy a cute, funny, or clever greeting card and include a note asking if you can schedule a time to talk to him when you both will be uninterrupted. Some spouses have an easier time talking to their partner in a restaurant over dinner, so you could suggest making plans for going out for a meal.

Obviously, you wouldn't want to discuss your most emotional issues in public, but maybe you could use the occasion to handle some relatively routine things. And then agree on a future time to talk about the more sensitive topics.

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Marriage Counseling Tips: What To Do When Your Spouse Won't Talk


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Related Questions:

Other resources for Marriage Counseling Talk

How do I talk my husband into marriage counseling?
He had an affair about 7 months ago and we are both trying so hard to overcome it and get past it. He is remorseful and i havent seen him try this hard since he tried to get me to marry him 10 years ago. I know he loves me and is sorry and is doing everything right to "fix it". But I still think counseling would be helpful. He thinks everything is ok, cuz i dont say anything, i bottle it up to keep things normal, but I really think I need further professional help, but I really want marriage counseling for us both. How do I delicately approach the subject without coming off as demanding it. How do i get him to see that I think it would really be helpful. I still have so many questions surrounding his affair and I am afraid to just ask them. I think a marriage counselor in the middle would be a better alternative, for I have read that in times of healing from an affair, certain things said can be more damaging than helpful and I want guidance to get through it.
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