How A Marriage Counseling Secret Can Save Your Marriage - part 2
by Lee Hefner
A marriage is much the same way. Sometimes one partner may ignore or minimize the feedback from the other for a time. This time may often stretch into years. And the frustration builds like pressure in a pressure cooker. Until finally a limit is passed and an ultimatum is issued. The offending spouse must change behavior or else the frustrated partner will leave the marriage.
At this point, a history of dissatisfaction has built up on the side of the spouse threatening to leave. Whether the surprised partner considers the reasons given to be valid or not doesn't alter the fact that the unhappiness exists.
The first thing you must do is accept the situation as a given. Acknowledge your spouse's unhappiness. This doesn't mean you have to agree with your mate's reasons. Nor does it necessarily mean accepting your partner at her word if she says that she's leaving.
It does mean that you need to accept the fact that your spouse is unhappy and has been unhappy for some time. If you can buy this description as fitting your situation, you've just made a positive step forward. Because you have to understand the dynamics of your present relationship before you can improve it.
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It means that emotional communication between you and your spouse has been faulty and she (or he) believes that you haven't been meeting some of her basic needs. It means you need to accept your spouse's discontent if you want to positively influence the disastrous turn your marriage is taking.
Don't worry if you disagree with the reasons she gives you for being unhappy.
Whatever you do, don't fall into the trap of arguing or telling her she's wrong. Why? Because her perception is her reality and is the basis for her feelings and the decisions she makes.
So your first job is to understand and accept your spouse's perception of your relationship. Only then can you do something constructive to save your marriage.
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