How Optimism Can Help - Or Hurt - Your Marriage - part 1
by Dr. Tony Fiore
Beth and Tom were happily married for over 25 years - no small feat in today's world. At first, their friends could not understand how their marriage succeeded, due to numerous perceived shortcomings.
However, closer scrutiny of their marriage revealed that it was their thinking patterns - the ways they explained and interpreted their partner's behavior to themselves - that strengthened, rather than weakened, their marriage.
Tom's lack of self-confidence? No problem! This only made Beth feel very caring toward him. His stubbornness and obstinacy? Again Beth explained this to herself as "I respect him for his strong beliefs and it helps me have confidence in our relationship."
Beth's jealousy? Tom told himself: "This is a marker of how important my presence is in her life." Beth's shyness? No problem! Tom liked it because "she does not force me into revealing things about myself that I don't want to. this attracts me to her even more."
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Hold on to your illusions
Being able to see things in your mate that your friends don't is a very positive predictor of marital success according to recent research by a professor at the State University of New York. Remarkably, satisfied couples see virtues in their partners that are not seen by their closest friends.
In contrast to this 'illusion' by happy couples, dissatisfied couples have a 'tainted image' of each other; they see fewer virtues in their mates than their friends do.
The happiest couples look on the bright side of the relationship (optimism). They focus on strengths rather than weaknesses and believe that bad events that might threaten other couples do not affect them.
But what if you are an optimist and your partner is a pessimist? That can work! Or, the other way around? That can work too!
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How Optimism Can Help - Or Hurt - Your Marriage
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