Marriage Self Help Books - part 2
by Nola Redd
High on the list for building good communication, we learn to turn off the television and talk to each other. And kids are off topic. Once we have exhausted the subject of my husband's work (I ask "What did you do today?' and he says, "I went to work." Try as I may, I can't squeeze any more out of him), we just sit and stare blankly. Neither of us watch the news, and the joy of email means every time something funny happens, he reads it in his inbox. Yes, of course, we are supposed to have a hobby or something - instead, we had three children in four years (and that's not a comment on our hobby, by the way, just our luck). So we stare at each other for ten minutes, and then turn on the television.
After all this, you would think I would give up on the marriage self-help books. Yet I continue reading them. The reason is simple - they all confirm that men and women speak different languages. Yes, 90% of the world already knows this, but my husband doesn't. When I tell him I don't want a solution for the problems I'm having with the kids, he says, "Why are you talking to me then?" Thankfully, the marriage books keep me from decking him, since I realize he is a man with desire to attack problems head-on, while most women other than myself also just want a sympathetic ear. Not only that, but when something upsets me and he can't figure out why, I take joy in hearing from several sources that the same thing upsets most women, too. His solution of, "Just don't let it get to you," is a nice, masculine solution. He can't help it - he was born that way.
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So even if you can never manage to wring change, from either yourself or your spouse, a marriage self-help book can make you feel like you are not alone. And when frustration with your husband reaches an all-time high, a nice, heavy marriage self-help book makes a satisfying thud when thrown against the wall.
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