Need Marriage Help?
Here are a few "marriage help" strategies to put in your new toolbox.
They are not complex, and you can start using them right now to help you solve your marriage problems.
Some of the tools may feel strange as you first begin to use them - they're new, after all.
But they come with an absolute guarantee: All you need to make these tools work for you is willingness and practice.
Marriage Help Tool #1
Become Curious About Your Partner
Change your thought pattern from "I know my partner so well" or "There goes that same old behavior again" to "What is really going on with this person I love?" Try to imagine that you might not know your partner as well as you think you do, so you don't label or criticize.
Come from this place of not knowing.
Instead, you want to learn something new about your husband or wife. You want to find out what is happening with them. You're interested in what makes this person tick.
From this place of not knowing, you ask what's going on for your husband or wife. You'll reap the benefits (for one thing, your blood pressure won't skyrocket): You'll have new information about your partner, and your partner won't feel under attack and come back at you, guns blazing.
For this purpose we use a wonderful little ebook with 1,000 of the most important questions couples should ask each other.
There are hundreds of fun "getting to know you" questions but there are also important questions that most people don't even think of asking but are absolutely necessary if you want to have a happy relationship.
We love this ebook. Click here to check it out...
Marriage Help Tool #2
See Your Own Part in the Crisis
Take some time to figure out what you have contributed to the marriage problems you're dealing with.
This may be difficult at first, because the human tendency is to point the finger anywhere but at ourselves.
The upside is that seeing our own part in a problem empowers us.
This we can do something about! You become more willing to take action; you have a road map for going forward, and you can be more aware when you see a similar pothole ahead and steer around it. You can also, for now at least, stop blaming your partner for your marriage problems and get to work on it yourself.
You can bring back your Love! No matter how stubborn the resistance, no matter how far this person may be from you, no matter how hopeless or difficult your situation appears!
Check this great ebook to learn how.
Marriage Help Tool #3
Own Your Feelings and Take Responsibility
Instead of implying that your partner has power over your feelings ("You frustrate me!" "You make me so mad!" "If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be depressed!), take your power back. You're in charge of your feelings; no one else reaches into your emotional basket and stirs things around. No matter what your marriage problems are, no one can make you angry or sad or, for that matter, loving. Your feelings come from inside; they belong to you.
Like children, they are yours to nurture, take care of, discipline.
This means you can feel better, no matter what your partner does or says. Or think of your feelings as water in a well. If there is no anger in the mix, no water in the well, no one can let down a bucket and bring it up.
In his inspiring ebook 'Save the Marriage, Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D shows you how you can work on the relationship, even if your spouse doesn't see the need! If you're in this situation - this ebook is invaluable... Check it out!
Marriage Help Tool #4
Put Your Own Needs Aside for Now
What?! But my needs are the ones that never get met!
The truth is, as long as you both feel that way, which is usually the case, it's unlikely that your marriage problems will ever be resolved.
Each of you has to stop concerning yourself mainly with your own needs and feelings, and start paying more attention to your partner's. How can you do this? By pulling out tools #5 and #6.
Marriage Help Tool #5
Listen to Your Partner's Point of View
Hard? Yes! Possible? Yes! The way out of marriage problems? Yes!
Say nothing and simply listen.
Even get out tool #1 and ask questions.
Instead of jumping in to defend yourself against whatever your partner is saying - just listen.
For the moment, put yourself in your partner's shoes. Standing in that place, try to understand your partner's point of view.
Find out what this person is especially sensitive about and use this new information for your own positive purposes - that is, in the future try not to push the buttons that you know set off emotional landmines.
Marriage Help Tool #6
Listen to What's True for Your Partner
This is a fine-tuning extension of tool #5.
You not only want to listen to your partner's words at this moment, you want to understand the underlying truth or value. Instead of closing down or breaking in with your own belief or truth, open yourself to hear what is true for this other human being. You are trying to recreate an atmosphere of compassion and trust. You want a safe space where you each feel what you say will be heard and accepted. You are building a new environment for your marriage, solution oriented and hopeful, instead of problem oriented and hostile.
Communication is one of the master keys to successful relationships and ' Communication Magic ' is a good ebook to start learning what it takes to create a happier, healthier and joyous relationship.
Marriage Help Tool #7
Look for Win-Win Solutions
Solving marriage problems means getting out of the ring. Communication needs to stop being a contest.
(When it is, no one wins, anyway.) Instead of focusing on who's going to win this round, you both can shift to finding a mutually satisfactory solution. Then you both win.
If you're already considering leaving your partner or getting a divorce - WAIT!
' Should You Stay or Should You Go ' is a great ebook that can really help you make the best, most conscious decision about staying in or leaving your relationship...