Frequently Asked Questions From Couples Having Relationship/Marriage Problems - part 2
by Glenn Cohen
5 - Why do our disagreements escalate into arguments?
First ask, what is the REAL issue? Is it about a small problem that is triggering a deeper emotional wound? So many couples when triggered will start a conversation with verbal darts, selfish demands and/or disrespectful judgments, which can lead to a harsh start to the conversation. This snowballs into criticism, contempt and/or resentment, which invariably can lead to anger, rage and stonewalling. It all begins with how you approach and start the conversation!
6 - Why does it take so long for us to recover from these horrible fights?
The reason is because both of you have been through a terrible ordeal. Intense episodes of conflict can leave massive emotional scares and drain the love from both of you. The most important thing to learn is how to successfully repair about an escalated episode. After a terrible fight, one or both of the partners are flooded with negative emotions and it takes time to recover. This is when you take time to reflect on what has happened, be brutally honest with yourself, take personal responsibility for your own actions, apologize and then have a calm, honest and loving conversation and give massive doses of TLC to each other.
7 - How can I help my partner heal their emotional wounds?
This is very difficult unless your partner has accepted the truth about the origin of their wounds and fears. If they have and are taking personal responsibility for their actions and behaviors, you can then assist. The most important point to remember is to be empathic, listen and ask them how you can help apply a soothing ointment to help the pain. Be careful to never throw verbal salt on the wound, have patience and make sure they feel loved, secure and safe in the relationship. And always remember to give massive doses of TLC!
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I hope you and your partner Gain the Awareness, Learn the Skills and Practice the Techniques so you are successful on your Journey from "I-TO-WE"T to live your lives as each other's.
Best Friends During the Day, Lovers at Night, and Partners for LifeT.
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