Relationship Advice:
My Wife Might Leave Me... for a Woman
Question
Before we met, my wife had a relationship with a woman and I have a hard time trusting her.
I am scared that she might leave me for a woman.
I don't know if I should give 100% in the relationship or not?
What should I do?
Our Relationship Advice
It can be difficult to move forward after a serious breach of trust in a relationship.
However, when we hold onto the wounds of the past, we remain stuck in the past. If you and your wife have spoken openly about this situation, and she is now fully committed to the relationship, then it is up to you to find a way to deal with your insecurity and fear and be in present time.
If you and your wife have not spoken openly about this, then it is high time to do so. Until we verbalize how we feel, and those feelings are honored and listened to, they can remain festering within us.
It would be a very good thing for you to explore your own sense of insecurity - see where it originated, even before this incident, and work through that issue so that you feel good about yourself and strong in your own sense of self worth.
It is also very important, if you and your wife have not done so, to speak together about what your agreement is, what you both commit to, in terms of the ethics of your relationship.
Do you both agree to and commit to, from this point on, having an honest, monogamous relationship?
If there are issues of not being able to be honest with one another, then that may need to be taken to counseling.
Trust does take time to rebuild. The more however, that you feel your own self worth and safety from within, the easier it will be to deal with this issue.
If you feel that your wife is not really committed to the relationship, then that needs to be addressed with her and faced. If she is not on the same page as you are about keeping the agreements of your relationship, or she has other needs, then perhaps you may need to decide if this relationship is for you.
If you have strong fears that your wife would rather be gay, then that also needs to be addressed openly and dealt with honestly by you both.