Relationship Advice:
I'm Jealous of Our New Baby Boy
Question
Ever since my wife gave birth, she pays very little attention to me.
I know she's exhausted, and nursing the baby takes up a lot of time, but I can't help feeling jealous of my son.
I don't know what to do with my feelings but I do know that I feel so awful for having them.
Any advice?
Our Relationship Advice
Even though as a man, you can never have the biological experience of pregnancy or childbirth and cannot possibly understand the psychological turmoil that accompanies so many physical changes, you do have your own adjustments to make.
Your wife's breasts, which you once enjoyed caressing, are now reserved for your baby.
You are not alone. Many men have said that they don't like having to share their wife's love with someone else, even though that someone else is only 7 pounds.
The sheer physical pleasure of snuggling, caressing, rubbing, tickling, nibbling and holding that was once reserved for just the two of you, is now shared with a child.
Many times a mother may also feel hostility toward her child if she finds her husband paying more attention to the child than he does to her.
This is a time when both partners need to feel loved and desired. Each waits for the other to give a kiss, a hug, a massage or anything to show how he or she cares. Neither does anything. Both are disappointed and angry. Each thinks, it was never like this before we had the child!
The most important thing to do during this crucial time is to be sensitive to each other's needs and to share your feelings.
Don't be afraid to admit that you feel jealous, resentful or hurt.
Many couples are ashamed of their feelings, thinking it's not right or "normal" to feel what they feel. Fear that your feelings are unacceptable will cause you to hide them and will interfere with open communication. Such a lack of communication can eventually destroy a relationship.
The first few months are quite difficult. Try to get a family member or good friend to stay with the baby so you and your wife can spend just a couple of hours together. As the baby gets a little older, make arrangements so that at least one night a week is date night. And then, slowly, you'll feel close, warm and connected again.
