Relationship Advice:
Is this Love or Am I Only Staying Because it is Comfortable?
Question
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 8 years. We have been living together for 7 of those eight years.
I am not sure if I am in love anymore. I don't know if I am happy and wonder if I have settled for something that is comfortable.
How do I know if I am happy? How do I know if I could be happier?
Because I have invested so much time in this relationship, I don't want to make a rash decision without really trying to get to the root of my feelings.
Any advice?
Our Relationship Advice
I commend and respect your value in asking hard questions before leaving a relationship of 7 years. Your story however is not uncommon. Research tells us that the marriages that occur before the age of 28 are at very high risk for divorce. Why? People do a lot of changing and growing from 18-28.
Start by asking yourself some hard questions:
- What kind of life do I want to have a year or 3 years, from now?
- Does this man fit with that life?
- What really works in this relationship?
- What doesn't work?
Once you have done your work, approach your boyfriend and ask him how the relationship is working for him. Don't be surprised or angry if he thinks it's just fine. Calmly and clearly let him know what you'd like that you're not getting. Give him time to think about it and give you a response.
In terms of your happiness, you can do a similar exercise with a list of "I know I'm happy when...", and "I believe I'd be much happier if.."
- How am I benefiting from this relationship?
- How is he benefiting?
Be realistic about what is possible with this man or any man.
Accept that it may take some time to sort what is next in your life. Be courageous, face the hard truths and your course of action will become clear.