Relationship Advice:
He is Too LAZY and Just Doesn't Care!
Question
Whenever I try to have a conversation with my husband I feel like I am talking to a brick wall. He doesn't listen and never responds.
He has a very negative attitude and complains all the time (not even my grandmother complains that much!)
I have asked him to try and be more positive, to take better care of himself and to help solve our financial issues but he shows no enthusiasm or motivation. He never follows through on anything.
I have become extremely irritable and frustrated.
We have both been through a lot during our twenty-two years of marriage. Yet, he has no respect for himself, for our marriage or for me! I have to do EVERYTHING! He acts like a baby.
How do I deal with his negative, "I DON'T CARE" attitude?
How do I help my husband change his negative attitude about himself, our financial problems and his lack of attention when we're talking?
I could really use your relationship advice. I hope it's not too late.
Our Relationship Advice
Do not worry.
There is hope for you and always remember it's NEVER too late for anything!
There is definitely a POWER struggle here! That's the main issue.
Your husband probably feels that since he does not have any power, why should he bother about anything? He knows that you are eventually going to take care of everything with or without him.
He basically leaves a vacuum, and you fill it.
This lack of power manifests as a lack of ambition on his part, and he certainly isn't going to listen to anyone. On his part, he is very passive aggressive about this, withholds, feels angry about it, but simply does not know what to do to reclaim his own power. He has a lot of self-hatred going on inside him.
You have probably gotten the, "divorce him", phrase many times from family and friends. It's not so easy when you love somebody, especially after sooooo many years
So now WHAT do you do with him?
Somehow you don't seem to believe that you can have a relationship where you are treated fairly or with respect. So you have basically given up.
Don't!
Your challenge is to explore where that belief came from, and what you want to do about it. Yes. THINK, THINK, THINK. As long as you have this negative belief (i.e. crowning your husband a LOSER for life) that is what you will manifest for yourself in your life. You will get what you "ask for" - a partner who doesn't carry his weight or deal ethically in relationship.
If you have an "Oh this isn't fair" issue going on - which is playing the victim - you will, on the flip side of that, also play the martyr and think that others are to blame. None of that works to create good relationships or a healthy forum for yourself to exist in.
Our main relationship advice is: change your way of thinking.
Think positively and you will be surprised with the way your external life will change as well.
The Universe gives you what you expect and what you believe in. We all create our life situations from our beliefs and thoughts.
You say your husband acts like a baby.
Have you ever stopped to think that maybe, YOU treat him like a baby!
You have become completely responsible for his life. He has taken this for granted and has gladly accepted. It has become very convenient to have someone that takes care of everything for him.
However most people, when faced with the situation that there is no one to take care of them anymore, miraculously find solutions and become motivated to take care of themselves.
As long as you are going to be the one that is trying to solve HIS problems, HE WILL NEVER GROW UP!
In a way you are playing his mother.
How about stopping it and see what will happen.
Be a wife, be a friend and most importantly be his EQUAL!
Don't just sit there and wallow blaming him for everything.
His moods should not control your life or bring you down in anyway. Remember, you create your own reality. If this is your situation right now; obviously you have created it, whether in a conscious way or unconscious way.
The best relationship advice we can offer you is: change your attitude and your way of looking at things.
Begin by letting your husband know that you do not need him to do things for you any more and that you are not going to wait on him hand and foot like a servant.
Ask him how would he like things to be, what are his thoughts about the current situation and what ideas and suggestions does he have for creating a different type of relationship.
You are throwing the ball in his court (and a tennis racket too!) and you are saying to him that this game cannot be played with just one player, IT NEEDS TWO PLAYERS! He needs to play an active part in the relationship too.
Then brainstorm together all the ideas he has come up with and decide on those that will help your relationship the most. They also need to be realistic and your husband must be able to commit to these ideas. Prepare with him an action list and make sure that HE writes it down and makes the planning. This will get him to realize that he does have the power to change things.
Once he accomplishes something on the list make sure that you give him A LOT of acknowledgments (an honest compliment and a couple of kisses should work like magic), so he will have the energy and the motivation to go on.
Hope this relationship advice works for you... Success!