Relationship Advice: My Husband Won't Keep a Job
Question
My husband has been laid off eight times in ten years. Some have been legitimate layoffs, but some have been because he does a terrible job when he doesn't like his work.
I went back to full-time job last year for some security. I have lost respect for him, especially since he doesn't see that he's causing the family stress with the financial loss.
It makes me angry at myself for marrying him, and it affects my happiness and security.
What can I do if I don't respect my husband?
Any relationship advice?
Our Relationship Advice
This is a complex issue that involves much more than his inability to hold a job. The immediate problem is that your husband is insensitive to the stress he is placing on you and the family through this conduct. That tells me that you are dealing with someone who is both immature and selfish-traits that certainly go hand in hand.
The issue isn't teaching him how to keep a job; the issue is teaching him how to be reliable and pay attention to whose needs are at the top of the priority list. The fact that he will sabotage a job so he can get laid off because he doesn't like being there, rather than considering that you and your children will suffer, is problematic.
What is the cost of getting in, being in, or remaining in a relationship?
I frequently counsel people to ask themselves this key question: What is the cost of getting in, being in, or remaining in a relationship? I wonder how you would answer that. Is living with his irresponsibility and insensitivity costing you more than you're willing to pay? Is the financial burden and your constant worry more than you are willing to pay? If the answer is yes, getting out of the relationship is clearly on the radar screen.
But if you want out, you must earn your way out. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: We quit marriage in America too soon. Turn over every stone, investigate every potential avenue of rehabilitation before you throw in the towel.
My relationship advice is: don't suffer in silence - confront the issue.
By that I mean talk to your husband, see a counselor, see your pastor, talk to a trusted friend of yours or his. Do everything you can to find a way to mitigate this unacceptable situation.
Then, if the problem doesn't improve, you can at least look yourself in the mirror and say, 'I was not like him. I didn't quit just because it wasn't fun. I did my work and tried to resolve this problem. Now I can move ahead in life with peace in my heart.'
I hope this relationship advice helps...