Living through "The Cheatin' Heart" -
Saving A Marriage After Infidelity
Think saving a marriage is impossible
when your spouse confesses his or her indiscretions?
The following scenario happens all too often among couples who are trying to save a marriage.
You arrive home after a difficult day, to be met by your spouse at the door, who has a sheepish, guilty look on his face. What now, you might be thinking in good-natured exasperation.
But humor disappears and horror takes its place as your mate gently takes you by the hand, sits you down, and tells you he has been having an affair.
You're disbelieving. Then you feel sucker-punched. Your stomach hurts and your mind reels. Saving a marriage is probably the last thing on your mind. All you want to do is to lash out. All you want to do is leave.
If you've been through this scenario, you're not alone. It's estimated that more than 50 percent of spouses suffer through their mates' infidelity at some time during a marriage.
Saving a marriage after a spouse's affair is tough. The good news is that it's not impossible.
The first step to saving a marriage after an affair involves honesty on both sides. Your spouse was honest with you by confessing her indiscretions, as painful as they were. Don't be afraid to be as honest about your own feelings.
But be careful not to beat your spouse up with your pain. Your spouse is feeling guilty enough. Constantly reinforcing that guilt isn't the key to saving a marriage. Instead, doing so could cause resentment.
The second step to saving a marriage in the face of infidelity is to lovingly and gently discuss with your spouse why she felt the need to go elsewhere. Was he bored? Did she feel abandoned because you were working all the time? Infidelity occurs because needs aren't being met. Saving a marriage depends on learning those needs, and meeting them willingly.
Third, forgiveness is important for saving a marriage. You both made mistakes, but there is a point in which you need to let them go.
Finally, understand that saving a marriage in the face of infidelity takes time, patience and love. Forgiveness won't ooze out of you immediately nor will your spouse's guilt and anguish disappear overnight. Emotional outbursts and anger will be common. But if you and your spouse are committed to your relationship, you'll eventually be able to move on.