Living Happily Ever After...
Interview With the Seven Dwarfs
By Vered Neta
Ever since I was a little girl, I always wondered what ever happened to Snow White and the Prince Charming, after he saved her...
I'm not sure the Brothers Grimm really wanted to share their secrets, so they ended the fairytale with the promising but obscure phrase... "and they lived happily ever after..."
I missed a few minor details... Like how did they manage to live together with their stepparents and the kids (not to mention, seven ex-lovers) while running a small kingdom and cleaning a big palace and still... living happily ever after?
Finding "Prince/ss Charming" was the easy part.
The challenge came later.
How could they keep all the love and passion and magic all those years?
So I made a few phone calls and after an intensive search on the Internet, found the number of the old-people's home where the seven dwarfs are spending their golden age, running after nurse Barbie, calling her Cinderella...
I begged them, I bribed them, I promised them more than I could give, but finally I've got it...
So, for the first time, exclusively, here is the truth, the hard facts - the top seven principles to love stories that qualify a fairytale ending...
I took the liberty to suggest some simple actions or practices, to help you implement these principles in your life.
Doc's Principle - RELATIONSHIP AS A PATH FOR GROWTH
Ultimately, your relationship gives you the space and tools to grow.
It is probably the most challenging way in which you can choose to grow.
However, it is also the most rewarding one that I know.
A relationship is not about finding someone that will make you whole or happy.
It is about finding someone that will show you what you still need to learn.
ACTION STEP: Drop your defenses and replace them with curiosity and willingness to learn from everything that happens in your relationship.
Grumpy's Principle - WE ARE NOT THAT DIFFERENT
On the surface, men and women look different. There is (too) much literature today that puts the spotlight on the differences between men and women.
But underneath, we are all human beings. We are all connected on a deeper level.
When we connect with each other at the heart and soul level, the differences become irrelevant.
ACTION STEP: Take time to find out everything that you both agree on.
Sneezy's Principle - WE ALL NEED BOTH SPACE AND CLOSENESS
We all need intimacy and closeness for nurturing as well as space to grow and express ourselves.
Due to negative childhood experiences, most of us are afraid both of getting close and of genuine independence.
You can go beyond these fears by listening to your body and trusting what you feel.
For example, fear and excitement are practically the same energy.
To transform fear into excitement, breathe deeply and soon you'll be only a breath away from being One.
ACTION STEP: If your main fear is losing yourself within the relationship, take a risk, become more intimate and see what happens. If your main issue is dependency, take a deep breath and become clear of who YOU are, and what is it that makes YOU happy. Then communicate it. Be careful - you might get it...
Happy's Principle - COMMITMENT IS THE MAGIC WORD
In order to create alive and happy relationship - all you need is commitment.
Commitment makes everything possible - nothing is a problem anymore.
But you need to have a 100% commitment. Anything less is not sufficient.
The minute you fully commit, indecision, confusion and resistance disappear.
ACTION STEP: Choose to fully commit yourself to your relationship, or... consciously choose to step out of this game. Be sure to share your choice with your partner.
Bashful's Principle - THE TRUTH IS YOUR BEST FRIEND
We grew up with the belief that in order to survive life and relationships we need to withhold our truth.
After working with more than 20,000 people over the last 13 years, I couldn't find anything more hurtful than lies and withholds.
Lies hurt. Hiding destroys relationships. Honesty liberates. Truth heals.
ACTION STEP: Look inside for any truths you may withhold and acknowledge them. Then take a risk and share them with those that they may affect.
Sleepy's Principle - WAKE UP AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
Snow White, Cinderella and the rest of our fairytales' heroines are always the victims of evil deeds of others.
They always await their knights in shiny armor to rescue them.
In the fairytales we grew up with, catching a brave and handsome husband, always appeared to be the best strategy...
Real life is a bit different. Being a victim never supports your relationship.
Victims tend to use blame, shame and guilt - all major relationship killers.
Taking responsibility and asking, "How did I contribute to the situation?" instead of "Who's to blame for this?" makes all the difference.
ACTION STEP: Take full responsibility in your relationship simply by saying (and meaning), "Regardless of where the problem began, I claim ownership of it and commit myself to solving it."
Dopey's Principle - SHINE YOUR TRUE SELF
Remember, you are a loveable human being.
The person you truly are will blossom in an atmosphere of authenticity and appreciation.
When you love and accept yourself, you open a deeper capacity to love others.
When two people connect in an atmosphere of authenticity and love, a field of boundless creative possibility comes into being.
ACTION STEP: Love yourself this week as much as you can. And if you like it, continue... until you too will live happily ever after...
Article by Vered Neta
Her monthly newsletter "Love and Marriage" delivers immediately usable practices that create more love, happiness, intimacy, fulfillment, self-expression and personal-growth in your marriage.Subscribe today at: http://www.no-problem-marriage-counseling.com
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