Sex Advice:
I Am Afraid of Anal Sex
Question
My boyfriend is very kinky.
Sometimes I'll let him put his finger in my anus because it turns him on. But I don't feel too comfortable with it unless I've been drinking a lot and then I don't mind as much.
I feel it will hurt more if he tries to insert his penis. He says it won't hurt if we use enough lubrication. Is that true?
Is it safe to insert the penis in the anal area?
I'm scared but I don't want to hurt him by saying no.
Our Sex Advice
Your body and your sexuality belong to you, and that only you are responsible for your own pleasure. That goes both ways, for you and your man.
Now, what one person does in bed as a turn on is not necessarily another's pleasure.
Anal play is a very powerful way of experiencing heightened sensations and even orgasms for both men and women; this is a part of the sexual anatomy, as at orgasm the rectum pulsates at the same contraction rate as the vagina or penis.
However, whether or not you enjoy having something penetrate that area is your decision, not his.
He's right about lube. Check out the Art of Lovemaking email course (Lesson 49) to learn about anal sex to get the skinny on what to do.
The answer is always four basic things: relaxation, breathing into the penetration, lube, and gentle slow entrance.
Let me assure you that a very big penis CAN fit up there; however, if the head of his penis is quite large, that can create painful sensation upon entry, requiring good technique.
It concerns me that you have to be loaded with alcohol to find the sexual tune with your companion. Not good. Drinking may relax your inhibitions, and maybe even your anal sphincter, but also your good judgments.
And, yes, if you are using condoms carefully to avoid their sliding off up inside, and if he NEVER pulls out of the hiney and then enters the vagina without washing, you should be OK from diseases and bacterial infections.
