Sex Advice:
How Can I Get My Partner Interested in Sex Toys?
Question
How can I introduce a vibrator or other toys into my relationship without offending or turning off my partner?
Our Sex Advice
Persuading a partner to try sex toys is similar to coaxing them into trying anything new, any type of change. Change can be unsettling. Sexual changes can be even more so because they are so intimate and loaded with emotion.
Some people fear that sex toys might "replace" them. You can reassure your lover that he or she is irreplaceable, that toys are just enhancements that introduce some variety and spice to sex. Do sexy movies replace you for your partner? Of course not! They probably turn your lover on so that he or she enjoys sex with you even more. Tell your partner that you feel the same way about sex toys.
Some people fear that sex toys are "weird." They're not. In fact, a recent survey by researchers at the University of California, shows that 10 percent of American couples use vibrators and other sex toys at least occasionally, and that the number of sex-toy users is rising.
Some people believe that sex should be limited to what's "natural," just your two bodies with nothing extraneous. That's a legitimate opinion, but chances are that your sex-toy-shy lover doesn't really hold that view. Does he or she get turned on by lingerie? Erotic movies? Making love by candlelight? Those enhancements are also "unnatural," but they add spice to sex. Pointing this out might help to provide some perspective on your desire to introduce sex toys into your relationship.
Birthdays are a good time to make special requests. And Valentine's Day is a good time to make special sexual requests. You might ask for a special birthday or Valentine's sex date that includes a sex toy, perhaps as part of a romantic weekend away. If your lover consents to such a special request, be sure to tell him or her how much you appreciate it, and how erotic you find adding a vibrator or other sex toys to your lovemaking. Everyone likes complements from a turned-on lover. Your thanks and enthusiasm might prove contagious
If your partner remains adamantly opposed to sex toys and you don't already use a lubricant, you might try introducing that first. In our experience, it's a rare lover who doesn't find them sexually enhancing. Lubricants can help persuade people that sex toys can be fun.
Or visit our favorite online shop together and browse the merchandise. Say that you'll gladly spend up to a figure you feel comfortable with on any product or products your partner finds intriguing.
As a last resort, you might buy the toy you want, use it solo, leave it in plain sight, and then tell your partner there's only one thing missing - his or her participation.
