Sex Advice: My Husband Likes Porn
Question
My husband loves to read and look at porn magazines.
He also likes to stare at other women when we are together, but he always says he loves me.
I told him that it hurts me when he acts that way and I felt that I didn't measure up.
He told me that I should get over it and that it was normal for a man to act that way.
Why does he need to have all these magazines and be interested in gawking at other women when he has me?
Our Sex Advice
Firstly you need to believe in yourself.
You think that you are not good enough because your husband looks at other woman. You want him to be completely devoted to you and then only you would feel worthwhile and good enough.
It would be a whole different story if he were deceiving you and pursuing these women sexually. He is NOT! He loves you and is married to you.
Your main challenge is to heal your internal belief that you are not good enough. That's what is causing the distress.
It's a belief that YOU carry, and you said it yourself: a fear that you "don't measure up." This belief, which has a lot of fear behind it for you, will show up in other areas of your life as well. It's a core issue for you, and it's up to you to explore it and heal it.
All in all, this is not really a big deal. I'd be more worried if he totally STOPPED checking other girls out, if you know what I mean! Guys look at women. That's a law of nature. Maybe doing this turns him on and all he wants is you. You end up having some fantastic sex! Who's complaining?
Even if you tell him to stop he's just going to do it when he thinks you're not looking and if you think he won't, then you're just kidding yourself.
Bearing this in mind, I'd say you have two choices: become involved or become upset. So far you've chosen upset. That's the bad news. The good news is that it's entirely up to you to change your perspective on things.
Based on your comments, I'd have to say, by the way, that I think you're a touch insecure. He thinks you're hot and you disagree. This would certainly explain why you don't like it when he checks out other women. You need to get over these feelings and relax. He loves YOU.
The most basic and natural thing in life is our sexual drives. Men and women like to look at each other. Don't you look at men...? Surely if a gorgeous hunk passes by, you are going to look! You are just appreciating his beauty, that all. You are not ripping your clothes off and saying, "LETS HAVE SEX", and neither is your husband doing that! You are JUST LOOKING.
It is just that our society holds it to be more natural for men to do it than for women. But we know better. Women do it also, maybe more discreetly and in more subtle ways but we do it. It is healthy and natural thing; especially at springtime... we are part of nature also and our desires and impulses are alive.
My suggestion to you is realize that your husband is just a healthy human being. You take things too seriously and it is about time you let go and relax.
Your husband says to you that he loves YOU, which means that after all his eye gawking he still prefers YOU. Maybe it means that in his eyes you are better that all the rest. Remember he loves you and you love him. Enjoy your marriage.
All in all, its springtime.
let your hair down and loosen up, you might enjoy it.