Sex Advice: No Erection, No More Sex Life
Question
My husband and I are together for three years.
We are close and love to do things together, and we used to have a wonderful sex life.
But two months ago, sex suddenly stopped.
One night we tried to have sex and he did not get an erection. He was very upset, apologizing to me over and over. I was very understanding and told him it was okay.
I don't want to pressure him about our sex life - or lack thereof - but I'm worried because nothing is happening. What can we do?
Our Sex Advice
When you fall off a horse, you must climb back on or you'll develop an aversion to horses forever. It's the same with sex, especially with sexual breakdowns. Your situation is certainly not hopeless, but it is going to take some time, concerted attention and redirecting of energies to get your sexual relationship back on track. And it's also going to require you and your husband talking openly about your "fall off the horse."
Many times when couples ask for help with a problem like yours the story has a similar script: He lost his erection for the first time, felt lousy about it, she keeps saying "It's okay" when really it's not, and they avoid going near the stable. Then things get busy in their lives, distractions occur and - presto! - so much time passes that soon enough they find themselves in a sexual rut. When both partners are avoiding sex, the problem is serious and deserves serious attention.
Usually the only answer is this: Face the facts and change your patterns.
First, start talking together about the problem, with kindness, honesty and with intention to fix it.
Second, decide as a couple to get him off the pressure cooker to get or keep an erection. Instead, start off again with simple, relaxed sexual play. This might include a shared bath with gently rubbing or sharing intimate stories or fantasies.
Better yet, subscribe to the Art of Lovemaking email course and follow it together. Indulge yourselves in your senses to awaken your passions.
If this does not do the trick, you and your hubby may want to see a competent sex counselor for help.